Composure

You throw me off

with your words,

disorganise my insides,

disorientate my mind,

Confusion now lays beside

And comforts me,

composure is now an enemy

alongside serenity,

You’ve made peace an obscure thing to me

with the song you sing, so sweet…

it throws me right off

so smooth yet rough at the same time,

you throw me off when your eyes meet mine,

sweep me off my feet,

make me weak in my knees,

Blood boiling,

adrenaline rushing,

you heat up my insides,

hurl my mind,

snatch it

and replace it with

subliminal messages,

bewilderment now befriends me,

self-control is now the enemy

you’ve left no passages for peace,

robbed me of my poise,

with your sinister smile,

and slithering tongue,

that seaps words 

that subtly steal my safety

make me a danger to myself

have me leaving my composure on the shelf

locked 

in a box

never to come out again

 

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A Certain Mystery

Nothing is for certain,
But I know for certain
That I want our souls
Entangled,
I want our mouths
Buried in our hearts
Let them speak on
Our behalf,
I want our minds
To dangle
Shutdown,
Suspended in the air
Let our stares
Suggest, process
Make best,
The words, the sentences
We wish to make
Let’s let our feet take
These first few steps
Into the unknown,
Let’s get our feet wet
With the risks that come
With not knowing
Where we are going

Let’s just absorb
Inhale
Dip into
Every moment,
In silence,
No hesitation,
Just actions
Of our affection,
Just motions,
Meticulous movements,
Precision without calculation
Let’s maintain spontaneity,
Mystery.

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Compromise

I won’t compromise my faith
Because you want a date
Which consists of me coming to your place
A few glasses of wine
And then you’re in my space
Your hands disconnecting me
From my belief
Invading my privacy
Contaminating my spirit
With this so-called ‘intimacy’

I won’t compromise my moral standing
Because of your lack of understanding of my relationship with Christ
I won’t trade my sight
For a fickle state of mind
I refuse to be blind –
Again
To walk in darkness
With no direction
I can’t afford to miss His presence –
Again
To feel stale
To look pale
Not from being physically ill
But being ill in my spirit

I won’t compromise my new found freshness
To go back to my time of uncleanness
To let you reap where you didn’t sow
I will not let you throw
Me around
Have your pound of flesh
Then back down
No!
I won’t compromise for you, if you cannot compromise for me

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Bruised, Battered, Bitter

You think
You know me,
Because you heard
I am lonely,
That my heart is rock solid,
Hardened,
That I give the coldest looks
My face
Tightened,
That I don’t like to be touched –
No handshakes
Or hugs
But what you don’t see
Are the bruises on my body
The ones that he left me –
That lazy eye,
The scars on my thigh,
The damage to my spine,
Still I acted like ,
everything was fine,

Until a time
I could take no more
My arms and legs – sore
I mustered the courage
To set my feet out the door
The love was lost
There was no reason to stay
I couldn’t deal with another dusk, dawn
Another day of rage
It was time for a new path
A new page

Here I am –
Broken,
But all you see is me –
Bitter
You do not see that I loved first,
You do not see my cry to God
To love again
To have peace of mind
To be sane
To find
What is lost in my life –
Self confidence

You judge me
By what you hear
And what I let you see
But you don’t know me.

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White Wine And Black Ink

I take a sip of my white wine
And let it sink
While the black ink
Of my pen…sinks
Sinks into my white paper
With the words floating
At the top of my head
Finally filtering
Through my right arm
To my right hand
Onto my white paper
I heap,
Thoughts so deep,
For that is how I find peace

White wine and black ink –
That is my release.

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Lost In Lust

You think
You know me
Because you’ve heard
What they call me –
Player
Because I find rest
In between women’s breasts
And refuge in their
Temples
Those ravishing bodies
That cradle me
Being the family
That I never did see
Each day it’s a different someone
Because each day there’s still
Something
Missing
I look and look but cannot find…

I mean it is amazing –
A woman’s touch
It’s true what they say –
There is nothing
Like it
But it’s still not enough
Different day
Different woman
Same feeling of being lost
Lost in my lust for women
But I can’t help it
I rely on the company
I need the conversation
And I live off the comfort
All that’s left to come by is…
The…connection
Yes! The connection!
I yearn for the connection

I don’t really know God
But some days I fall on my knees
And ask that he find me,
That I find myself
For myself,
So I don’t rely on lust
To find love,
That I can see myself,
And love myself,
So I’m not desperately,
Searching for love,
That I find love in Him,
Love enough to cure me
Of my lustfulness,
Love to make up for all the love I never received
I want to believe
‘God help me believe’

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Selflessly Give

Like birds they nest
In my chest
Is where they rest,
Lay all their cares,
Empty their heads,
Their minds,
Not mind-ing
Mine.

They lie in my bed
And suck out the life
In me,
Like bees they dry my flower
Of its nectar
I am their hive
They come at me
Consecutively
All wanting the same
Thing –
A taste of my honey,
Not minding
How my body
Grows worn out
And mind grows weary
Of having their burdens
Buried in my head
Alongside
Mine.

I selflessly give myself –
Body:
A shoulder to lean on
A listening ear
After rounds on my
merry go round
I listen to their countless worries
But they don’t even hear
Mine.

Why do I give so selflessly
To men who have no attachment to me?

Somehow
I think that dealing with
Theirs
Would help me deal with
Mine.

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